30.10.08

hi. like, long time no blog?? its 7.50 now. at ten, i will ave to be in keyboard class at Serangoon so am not gonna blog really long stories. its been a real long time since i last blogged and a lot has happened since then . will try to cover all of it. okay, firstly, i got into 3e1. yeah, Bio,Lit and History. its my first choice so, no regrets. and Wen Liang is following me in. Too bad Justin Ho is not. that is sad. he is going where half of the people from 2e2 are going. to 3e5. Oh well, can still see him. still have not seen Daiki and Ganeish. Sad case, that one. gotta meet up with them. oh, and i got into this public speaking competition. Managed to clear the eliminations and make it to the top 10 but couldnt make it to top 3. returned with consolation. Oh, well, its an experience, I guess. and I managed to make it to top 10 among 320 students so no regrets in that sense. okay, then, what else is there? oh yeah. the keyboard examinations. i am thourougly unprepared. okay. lets just say i dont even like keyboard. especially theory. i hate theory. and guess what? I am sitting for te bloody exams on Saturday.

okay, let me talk about the swimming yesterday. yeah, i went swimming yesterday evening. i went with my dad and younger brother. went to the new woodlands swimming which, thankfully, is much cleaner. I received the usual bout of scolding from my dad. let me tell you. after we had changed, my brother, who is in pri4, wanted to see how the baby pool was ( it was renovated). to go in, you have to be less than 1.2 metres in height. i said it and as an immediate reply, my father scornfully replied, ' Dont start your rulebook nonsense now. If the lifegaurd says he needs to come out, then he will come out. so, we walked to the medium pool. there, the water was kind of warm. when my father asked whether we wanted to go to the adult pool to swim, I highlighted the fact that my younger brother might not be able to swim properly because it had been more than a year since we last went swimming and he never could swim well. my dad cut me halfway and immediately retorted, saying that my brother had a mouth and if I was unsure, I just had to admit. Obviously, this was said scornfully too. when we went to the adult pool, we started to swim. oh, well, it was fine lah. but because of all the scornful replies I got, it ended up with me angry and the whole experience feeling like shit. but i like swimming. my foot problem doesnt affect me when i swim. i get to have exercise ( which i need badly) without the burning pain. it doesnt hurt, so its good. Simple . Gotta go for class now. when I come back, i' ll blog more. So, for the next 2-4 hours, Goodbye.

8.10.08

oh yeah. thats what im feelin now. just.oh.yeah. the exams are over. every single one of those disgusting things has been dealt with.. i went LAN-ning with Andrew just now. was so fun. seriously it is just awesome. anyway am not going to play again there until holiday start again... but thats 3 weeks away so heck. tomorrow is going to be such a wasted day. got to go for this yagam thing with dad and need to open 108 lotus flowers. i have done it before and believe me on this one, it can cause fatigue. he isnt going to work after that so will follow hi m home and waste my life( dont think he will let me use MY laptop). that laptop's 2 years old and if im not wrong, moms still paying for it. cant wait for ganesh to be back. i want to borrow his PSP for the 6 days that hes gonna be away but i dunno how im gonna get it from him. I wish he downloaded GTA. that game is so fun. sure it has nothing when you look at it from a logical point of view... but WHO CARES. hahas. anyway, i can clearly remeber that time I went to go do CIP. was 1 or 2 months ago. Andrew and YuXun were two of the seven( including me ) in my group. then Andrew brought his PSP with GTA in it. I was hooked, so to speak.We were like selling balloons that were twisted and for lunch went plaza Singapura. then YuXun and I took turns playing until the battery run out. that was hilarious. more of this retarded CIP another time. now, i gotta tell you( whoever you are who actually took the time to read this thing) something. im suddenly crashing into primary scl classmate's blogs. first there was Kaili's then Livinyah's( which keeps on hanging whenever I try to post a comment from the computer from my Grandfather's house) and then saw Atiqah's. wow. we didnt know that we had a class blog from p6! anyway, kaili can you pass me the password and username for that blog so I can post stuff in that blog and make it come alive? yah, I know that my blog doesnt even have a skin and a tagboard but in terms of posting, yeah, I can post... and enough about the lack of a tagboard and skin already.Andrew's helping me with that so expect to see a tagboard in a couple of days along with some skinning( that sounded so wrong). hmmm... what else do I have to say.. oh yeah, about that Ritika name, can someone help me get a meaning for it already? trust me, Ive tried and the meanings are so concise.i want something a bit lengthier... thanks for anybody who comments about this. and Kaili, thanks for commenting at my blog. glad you appreciated the poem though it really isnt anything much. so thanks yo.. oh, yeah, if you see Sean, ask him to give me a wring. I forgot his handphone no. alternately, you could just pass it to me. i dont have msn. just leave the number at my commenting area in my blog ill delete that comment once reading.. so thanks again. now Im just wondering whatever happened to Kesavan? the one from endurance ( our batch)? nvm i got this guy from our batch endurance called Bing Zhi and he said he has Kesavan's contact n0. unforunately, i can only get it from him when he repairs his spoilt phone and recovers the contact memory. sad, but I can wait. thats all for now, I think. am not angry about literature because,ah heck i just cant be bothered anymore. I better do well for the SA2 though. will try to get the poem ( yes... got 5/5 for it) posted into my blog. Its 3 typewritten pages long so its gonna take a hell lotta copy and paste to acomplish that but, as I said, soon. got to choose subject combination also... am Going Bio, History,Lit. Woooo!!! anyways chemistry is compulsary in my school and i dont do well in Chemistry. what to do? compulsary what. damn. nevermind. then, my Maths, which sucks badly, has to be A maths. Am from Swiss Cottage secondary 2e2 by the way. I found a nice skin and hopefully I can get it on my blog soon. then that tagboard thing i still dont know because I probably have to ask DaJian. thunderstorm. post next on friday.goodbye

7.10.08

that speck of gold
that shallow hold
of swallow's hope
in a mindless play
of the minds mope
how long,how long could it last
the candle has blown
the light once so vast
now floods only fools gold
a cold chip
of bitter ice
like a frosty whip
now hopes a lie
and thus remains a seer
blind

Comment. its called ice. its about how im feeling now

7.10.08

hi. am back. am feeling sorta high.not really. the studying exams are over but still got the stupid art exam...goddamn waste of time... need to prepare some more... aiyoh. then after that am going to YuXuns house tomorrow. there are things i want to get away from so as to just.... survive? like studies and school and grades and stuff. cant wait till Ganesh is back from Thirupathi ( 6 days!) and Daiki has finished playing his computer games ( he plays this grand chase thing so neeed to catch up in terms of level and stuff like that i guess. i can then go out with them. going to go meet up with Ganesh and talk about important stuff and just chill out. dont know where I am going to go with Daiki. he suggesed movie but I dont know what nice movies are going to come out... then there is school and stuff. its getting pissing off to see and know that my grades are going to be horrible. i want to go play CounterStrike with someone who isnt very good at it and I want to have KFC. retarded impulses that I suddenly feel. now im caught in a dilemma. Should i go out with Andrew and play LAN at near my house or go YuXun house play his X-box stuff?? and then now must go and do art preparation. i just dont want to do art preparation today. have to get D&T file if not I get zero for it. I hate D&T. cant for next year because next year dont have all these crap subjects that are wasting my time.. i am VERY ANGRY at something. I am very angry at the Lterature choral reading marks. 22 upon 30. 22!! thats so freaking low. wanted to get at least 25 marks . and i know exactly why . its because of the stupid team members. okay, not all of them are stupid. Min Yi and Wen Liang were really good. the others just make me rage. those idiots. sorry.just had to get it out. i know that you may think that 22 upon 30 is average but thats the problem. Nothing about the poem was average. nothing about that wonderful reflection was average (thank you very much Wen Liang). but these mediocre fools just had to ruin everything. everything that I had such hopes for instantly put to death. they could not even read that poem once. its just four pages long. thats a pathetically small script when you split it among 7 people. bloody.. and they feel no remorse towards it at all. they think that 22 is great! I slogged like a dog for them. Wen Liang worked through the night for them. this is what they give us in return. we wanted to redo it. the two of us could have saved it all.we could have redeemed whatever we lost through putting something up. WOULD IT HURT THOSE USELESS >>>>>> TO JUST STAND I N FRONT OF THE STUPID CLASS AND READ? i feel exploited. I cant stand the sight of them and the mere thought of one of those people makes me bitter. I leave now.goodbye. leave comments

6.10.08

im feeling lacerated and torn apart. im being torn apart because i have no idea what to do. the cuts are getting deeper, the blood, redder. and somehow, i do not know whether i should go where my heart desires or refrain because of the impurities that uglify it, rendering it so...contaminated. why? why does he have to be here when i need him not? he has taken my life, flayed my senses and undermined any sense of authority i had over myself. but still shreds remain, c linging on like the loose tendons cling to the bone after all is gone. i have gone through hell and what hasnt killed me has made me stronger. but i cannot submit myself to his twisted yet perfect world. the stinging will go on. i am afraid. i am afraid that i would have to play a waiting game. how long more? when i am twenty? older? i have to wait. i am yet a sapling but i have grown on whethered and dry soil. soil meant for a cactus, not a mere sapling. he is a good debator, and his sheer ruthlessness makes him legendary. but he is not coveted. it would be a more appropriate description of my thoughts if i am to say that he is to be cast away i cannot wait until i can cast him away to a cellar in my mind where he would stay locked up forever. how fantastical. such a phenomena would never take place in reality. i would say that i am stronger now. yet, even then, i am not strong enough. i cannot take him on. for if i did, i would not only fling myself into all his wrath. i would submit her too. and him. i cannot afford to lose them to him. i can sense poison in his words and fire in his speech. i am scorched and yet, i am alive. i will live. i will be who i am. i will improve myself . i can detect the subtle threats and hidden motives in his voice. i have been trained for years with punishment that is painful and my only reward being survivalto sense them anyway. then when the years have been spent and when the moon is full and when the clouds stare with their throats choked, then, i will have what i want. the rusty gates will scream open. until then i wait. but i am not passive. neither am i asleep. i am improving myself. i am making myself stronger,smarter,tougher. i cannot live as his shadow or as his legacy. i am crouching; tensed. soon i will pounce. and sparks will fly to set the forest ablaze.

okay im done spewing my dark motives or whatever you percieve it to be. please, everybody, leave your comments. am going to get someone to get me a tagboard. anyway, what about that Ritika name? has anyone found the meaning out? please do help out. anyway, LingYing, i have no secret. just write whatever comes to your mind. a poem is supposed to be beautiful and what is more beautiful than the mind? thanks Sarita for commenting. yeah sure ill tell you about the encyclopaedia after reading it.

i wait; i wait.
for the red torn gates
i can see the latch
and the hole
and i have hatched
within my mind,
a key

Im waiting

3.10.08

hey. i just realised that i am getting bored... yeah, so much for being slow. i need to talk to one of my friends about something important and no, he is not making things easier by not replying the goddamn phone. sighs. he always calls instead of smsing and i cant entertain calls. cant blame him, though. poor guys not free to sms most of the time. needed to meet him and talk to him about stuff. cant meet him after exams too cos hes going to thirupathi. venketeswara just coudnt choose a better time, could he? nevermind. just ranting, so dont mind me. he ll be back only on the holiday week... so i guess ill just head over to yu xun house play GTA... NEWEST version . oh yeah... and then this other friend, i ask him to go out after a LONg time and he say only one week after exam cos he wants to play computer games... ill have to spend my time doing other things... ill have to catch up on brisingr... you know the third book from the inheritence trilogy? the one that comes after eragon and eldest? i think its going to be pretty good and i cant wait to read ir. oh yeah, theres this comic installment of the complete mahabharatha that my dad managed to get his hands on and i cant wait to finish the third book and stuff. its from amar citra katha but its really good, with three thick books in colour. its not kiddy or anything and it makes for good reading and stuff. its accurate and the english is good, with excellent vocabulary that sort of surprises me. its a good read for hindus and non-hindus. its this epic story thing but it is also a hindu thing but everybody can read it as a sort of storybook. at the same time, they can use it to gain insight o hinduism. for heavier reading, i got this giant three volume hinduism encyclopaedia that talks about all things hindu with awesome professionalism and an unbiased perspective i.e its not saivite,vaishnavite,et.c. cant wait to get started on it. each volume is super-huge and is, like the size of a huge dictionary. unfortunately, i doubt others can get it cos they were selling these beauties at the ramakrishna mission. the price isnt very cheap either, with the full mahabharatha comics at 60 dollars and the hindu encyclopaedias going for about hundred and twenty dollarsl. and, no, i didnt get it. my father did. but they are interesting znd i shall therfore read them. and no, i didnt get them for my birthday either, i would rather get an i-pod, so much for depth of mind. cant wait for the new games that im getting to come. then thered be a raeson for the inventio n of the computer that i would find valid., not that im complaining about technological advances... if i did, that would be the greatyest irony cos, for gods sake, i blog. any way, how do you get a tagboard and get a blogskin into my blog. c ant wait to get Da Jian or somebody to do it for me... and no, i am not complaining about not having a blogskin although it would be annoying. its the tagboard that matters... i need to get soon, like ASAP because most people cant be bothered to leave their comments at the commenting area which brings something to mind... to all those who have left the comments about my poem, thank you so so much. and who is the miss eccentric person? thank you very much for leaving the comments but, quite frankly, who are you?? also, i dunno whether i should write a poem now... oh well, i would like to continue talking, or more correctly, posting but i better go study for the paper 2 and science. before i go, can someone help me out? i heard the name Ritika. its one of my moms students names. its a girl name and i have tried hard to find out the meaning but i simply cannot seem to. so anyone who knows the meaning please tell me through sms or just post it at the comments...( I need that tagboard). and yes, i actually have found the meaning but it is concise and i would like a greater understanding of it... trhanks. oh yeah: background info... the name is of hindu origin. i think its quite popular in north india and i think the language of origin of the name is sanskrit. can anybody help me out please? thanks yo. goodbye

lying still
in greatest instill
of cold sorrow
sometimes bidding for the morrow
and sometimes forever more
in sunny chill
with no thrill
i beseech
in my speech
goodbye